The streetlights have been on since before dinner.  We ate late and I didn’t stick around after what she said.  My mother, she's got a mouth on her.  I've got a mouth on me too.  I didn’t look back when I let the door slam.  I hurried down the damp cinder block steps, pulling on that old leather jacket on the way.  The rain caked the dirt to my shoes.  I clapped my feet twice before getting in Daphne.   And the rain wouldn't be the only thing driving tonight.   

I haven’t back out of the driveway that fast since the time dad finally left mom for Luanne.  He was the only one on my side.  He left me, with me.  And her.  Just like last time, I nearly hit the mailbox with Trans Am.  I straightened her out onto the Class 6 road and crushed the clutch and stick into their places.  There’s my girl.  Warm now, I barely caught sight of mom waving a fist from the screendoor.  “HA!  Fuck, bye!”  The muddy ruts in our road would be a little deeper now.

Asphalt.  I fishtailed from 104 onto Parade Ave.  The engine roared with life.  Alive, we screamed the scream of sheer terror.  The curves were mine and the wheel was control.  I moved gently and quickly from one bend to the next.  Up and down, the hills made my stomach rise and sink in the ways that only first love could.  Fifth to fourth, fourth to neutral, neutral to fifth.  The rain made everything loose and easy.  Wipers don’t wipe rain when you are tearing tar like I was now.  70 on a two lane, felt like 90, and I was going 80.  Trees whispered quietly and the frost heaves reminded me of the last bitter winter.  “Why’d she say that?!”  My hand tightened on the stick, my foot slammed the clutch.  Ninety-five.

Dad used to say that overconfidence could get you killed.  He told stories of the proud grunts that walked point in the jungles.  They did it because they thought they were tough, not because they thought it was their duty.  Most were killed, courage or not.  I passed the green Taurus over the double solids, going uphill, on a turn, on the inside.  Accelerating into the turn, I pushed her.  Daphne liked it rough.  She would have her way.

It was like seeing yourself in the mirror.  Two headlights shining back at me, a wet windshield and a dark hood.  If there was a mirror there, I’d have seven years bad luck; I guess I was lucky, I would only have seventy minutes.

I waited and couldn’t move.  I think I was upside-down.  I didn’t notice that the stereo was on until I wished it would shut off.  Listening to Gloria Gaynor’s vocals seemed like a harsh punishment, even now.  Disco should die.  I guessed the fuse finally broke and she was cut off after “I will sur…”  Spring never felt this cold.  I must be bleeding somewhere.  All I wanted was to fall asleep.  Things will be better in the morning.  

Suddenly, there was red everywhere.  The sound of it woke me.  An ambulance, I bet mom called.  Mommy…  The sirens stopped and I fell asleep again.  I vaguely remember being tugged.  They pulled my shattered body into the ambulance.  I wish my last thought wasn’t of her, but shouldn’t the last thing you imagine be the one person who still loves you, even if you aren’t perfect?